What to do while others watch TV

You can give your presence without your attention

Watching TV is generally not the most satisfying way to spend your leisure time. When asked to rate their moment-by-moment moods, people generally report being happier doing creative hobbies, exercising, reading, or interacting with friends.

But it turns out not everyone has read that research or cares! This presents a dilemma. Other people in your household might like to relax while watching TV, and you may want to spend time with them — in their presence. It’s nice to sit together on the sofa. However, then you wind up spending a lot of your leisure time watching TV, rather than doing what you might prefer.

Fortunately, this is not inevitable. It is, indeed, possible, to spend time in people’s presence without watching TV yourself.

Tune it out

If you like to read, one of the simplest options is to sit next to your TV-watching loved ones and read your book with headphones in your ears. That way you get the cuddling and the warmth — and you don’t have to spend an hour of your life watching something you don’t care for. Just listen to instrumental music or white noise so you can still concentrate on what you’re reading.

If the other person is up for it — and this might be easier to foist on kids — that person can wear headphones to watch their show. Think a kid on an iPad with headphones watching a cartoon while you snuggle next to them and read your book.

If you don’t think wearing headphones will fly, then you’ll need to find an activity you can do with background noise. I love to do 1000-piece puzzles, and for many people, that’s doable with the TV on too. In my case, I do my puzzles in another room (I have zero ability to tune out background noise), but if you are less sound-averse than me, a table in the corner could be a great way for you to be in your loved ones’ presence while still doing something you prefer. Or you could grab a book of number or crossword puzzles, or a deck of cards to play solitaire. Adult coloring books could work too.

Lots of people are able to craft while the TV is on--knitting, needlepoint, embroidery. You might even be able to sketch with charcoal or pastels.

While I would not encourage you to do chores while your family watches TV, sometimes that impulse is about doing something physical rather than just vegging out. If that’s the case, use that energy to do something like stretching or yoga. Just don’t position yourself between the people on the couch and the screen!

Getting at the real desire

In any case, when you get pressure from other family members to be part of their screen time, or if you feel like you should be there, try to get at what everyone is actually desiring. Do you all want to engage in the plot together? That’s one thing. Go ahead and sit there and watch!

But if it’s a sports match your partner cares about a lot more than you do, or maybe a kid’s cartoon, the other person probably just wants your presence and not so much your attention. So see if there’s a way to give your presence without giving up the activities that you would prefer to do with this time.

In any case, I’d point out that often, when people aren’t engaged in a show, they use this time to scroll on their phones, and the TV-watching loved ones don’t usually complain so much about that. I’m just suggesting doing something a little more purposeful. That might be a way to get the best of both worlds.