Don't go for the least common denominator

How to make better group decisions

Many of us, from time to time, find ourselves needing to make a collective decision about what everyone is going to do. I’m not talking about big consequential decisions (these posts get scheduled into the Substack system in advance, and I know this is running the day after the U.S. election — but I don’t know at this point how that turned out).

I’m talking about non-consequential decisions that involve doing things as a group.

You know these sorts of debates. What’s a movie everyone can enjoy for family movie night? Maybe you’re trying to please your active toddler, your elementary schooler who’s into Pixar, your middle schooler who’s a diehard Harry Potter fan, your mother-in-law who likes classic musicals, and your partner who just wants everyone to stay put for the entire time.

What book should your read for book club next month — when members have different tastes and different schedules?

Where should you go for your monthly girls’ night out this month, when people are coming from different directions and have a variety of tastes and budgets?

You may be able to reach a consensus through collective decision-making. But that process — which is inevitably going to be frustrating and fraught — doesn’t necessarily lead to an option that anyone is thrilled with, even if it’s satisfactory to everyone. You may find yourself at the same restaurant for every girls’ night and watching Mary Poppins over and over again. No one hates it, but no one loves it either.

Don’t aim for consensus

So, instead of aiming for consensus every time, consider taking turns and letting everyone choose exactly what they want when it’s their turn. You choose the movie this week, your little guy the week after that, then your mother-in-law, and so on. Everybody will broaden their viewing experience, and you may discover movies that you never would have tried otherwise. For your book club, all the members could take turns choosing the book. For the get-together with friends, you each take turns choosing a restaurant you truly love.

Of course, you can set parameters for the choices. Maybe all book club picks need to be under 400 pages, for instance.

But within those parameters, when it’s your turn to choose, you get to choose freely.

It might be amazing

The upside of this method is that people tend to choose things that they actually think are really good when they get a free choice. “Do I think this movie is or will be amazing?” is an entirely different question than “do I think five people with different interests won’t all hate this movie?” ‘Amazing’ raises the possibility of the choice being something really cool, even if it isn’t what you would have picked.

Sometimes consensus yields a decision everyone can deal with, but no one loves. When multiple options can be pursued over time, taking turns can lead to more satisfaction. You know you’ll be thrilled with the option every time your turn rolls around — and something unexpected might delight you when it’s someone else’s turn.