You don't have to like it

You may never enjoy some tasks. Oh well!

By bedtime each night, I am usually crashing. I have often been up early in the morning to get my older kids off to school, and my 4-year-old’s bedtime routine is long and involved. I aim to be getting ready for bed around 10:15 p.m., so I can read before my 11 p.m. bedtime. I manage to brush my teeth and take out my contacts without drama but for whatever reason, washing my face brings out my inner rebel. I don’t like getting my face wet and soapy. I just don’t want to do it.

I know this sounds ridiculous. It sounds ridiculous to me too. I’ve explored all sorts of ways to make this chore more pleasant, from lovely smelling, luxurious face soaps (not convincing), to cleansing pads that don’t require me to get my face wet (unfortunately, they tend not to get make-up off so well).

In any case, a while ago, I had a realization. I was never going to enjoy washing my face at night, but you know what? It didn’t matter. I could just do it. I could do it every single night. I could tell my whiny inner voice to just be quiet because the ordeal would be over in 30 seconds. And so, every night when I start thinking “I don’t want to,” I just do. I haven’t missed a night in four years. I do it not liking it, but I do it.

Battling resistance

Maybe you, too, have some good-for-you habit that you keep resisting. Lots of people resist exercise. People come up with all sorts of elaborate reasons about why they just can’t eat their vegetables. Flossing falls in this category for many folks too. Or maybe it’s getting regular health check ups.

And sure, there are various ways to make any of these habits more pleasant. Exercise doesn’t have to be a scary group fitness class or running sprints. It can be a pleasant walk with a friend. Some vegetables are far more accessible than others. Some flosses slide in a lot better than others — which can make flossing pretty satisfying.

That said, even if people don’t particularly enjoy walking, or eating well-prepared produce or anything like that, it doesn’t matter. We don’t get a pass on these things just because we don’t like them. You can just decide to walk for 20 minutes a day even if you don’t want to walk for 20 minutes a day. Instead of using the mental energy to come up with reasons for why you don’t want to do X, Y, or Z, and why it makes sense that you don’t want to do X, Y, or Z, just do it. Not all of life has to be fun.

A good life can have a few minutes of unpleasantness

Of course, I do recognize that it may be easier for some people to feel that way than others. If you are in an exciting, well-paid job, and have a lot of fun with your loving friends and family, a few moments of not-fun stuff are no big deal. If all of life feels not fun, that’s a different matter.

But if you are reading this newsletter, I’m guessing that you have the power to make a lot of life pretty enjoyable. With some strategic job crafting, you can spend lots of your work hours solving cool problems with clever colleagues. With some strategic planning in your personal life, you can have big adventures and little adventures, and time for your own pursuits. When you do these things, the little bit of time it takes to do something good-for-you but not-so-fun can stay in perspective.

That’s what I’ve been telling myself. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to love washing my face. But I can be the sort of person who washes my face every night regardless. You don’t have to like it. Realizing this can change so much about how we approach life.