You don't have to like it

The case for just sticking with a good habit anyway

By bedtime each night, I am usually crashing. I have often been up early in the morning getting kids ready for school. The days are go-go-go and then my preschooler’s bedtime routine is long and involved. I aim to be getting ready for bed around 10:15 p.m. I manage to brush my teeth and take out my contacts without drama, but for whatever reason, washing my face brings out my inner rebel. I don’t like getting my face wet and soapy. I just don’t want to do it.

I know this sounds ridiculous. It sounds ridiculous to me too! I’ve explored all sorts of ways to make this chore more pleasant. Nothing did the trick.

But then, a few years ago, I had a realization. I was never going to enjoy washing my face at night. So what? It didn’t matter. I didn’t have to like it! I could just do it anyway. Getting over this mental hurdle was surprisingly freeing.

Doing it anyway

So, for the past few years, I have washed my face every single night. Whenever my whiny inner voice complains, I tell myself that I don’t have to like it. Whether I like it or not, I am the sort of person who washes my face every single night. The ordeal will be over in 30 seconds. And sure enough, it is.

Maybe you, too, have some good-for-you habit that you keep resisting. Lots of people resist exercise. People come up with elaborate reasons why they can’t eat vegetables. Flossing falls in this category for many folks. Or maybe it’s getting regular health check ups.

And sure, there are various ways to make any of these habits more pleasant. Exercise doesn’t have to be a scary group fitness class or running sprints. It can be a pleasant walk with a friend. Some vegetables are more accessible than others (honey glazed carrots may as well be candy!). Some flosses slide in a lot better than others — which can make flossing pretty satisfying.

That said, even if people don’t particularly enjoy walking, or eating well-prepared produce, it just doesn’t matter. We don’t get a pass on the need for a balanced diet or physical activity just because we don’t like these things. You can decide to walk for 20 minutes a day even if you don’t want to walk for 20 minutes a day. Instead of spending mental energy coming up with reasons why you don’t want to do X, Y, or Z, and why it makes sense that you don’t want to do X, Y, or Z, just do X, Y, or Z. Not all of life has to be fun.

Keeping the tough stuff in perspective

Of course, I do recognize that it is easier for some people to feel this way than others. If you are in an exciting, well-paid job, and if you have a lot of fun with your loving friends and family, a few moments of not-fun stuff are no big deal.

If all of life feels not fun, that’s a different matter.

But if you are reading this newsletter, I’m guessing you have the power to make a lot of life enjoyable. With some strategic job crafting, you can spend the bulk of your work hours on cool things. With some strategic planning in your personal life, you can have big adventures and little adventures, and time for your own pursuits. When you do these things, the little bit of time it takes to do something good-for-you but not-so-fun can stay in perspective.

Or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to love washing my face. But I can be the sort of person who washes my face every night regardless. You don’t have to like it. Realizing this can change so much about how we approach life.