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Anandi's avatar

This is so true! I remember reading early in my marriage that we shouldn't expect our spouses to read our minds. If you want a certain type of birthday celebration or gift, ask for it! Your spouse is probably happy to have guidance on what makes you happy.

My younger kid is an "asker" by nature, while the rest of us are not (and more the silent seething type). This kid got an incredibly fancy restaurant to make hot chocolate for them after a nice dinner, and I didn't even know that was possible, lol.

My favorite "you have to ask for it" story was when I worked on a team of 40 year old dudes when I was in my mid 20s, and our manager (also a 40yo dude with a family) brought up in a team meeting that we had been invited to speak at an internal conference in Germany, but that he knew travel was a hassle for everyone and he was just going to decline. It was just a side comment, but after thinking about it for a while, I got up the courage to ask him if I could go.

He was thrilled I wanted to (and it didn't even occur to him that it would be fun for me!). I had a blast, made new friends, gained a mentor, and got an invitation to speak in Singapore 6 months later. It was the best risk I ever took and it wasn't even that scary to JUST ASK.

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