What makes it good?

Figure out what matters most to everyone - including yourself

People do certain activities because they are supposed to be fun. Consequently, if you are taking your family to an amusement park on a summer Saturday, you might just assume that everyone will enjoy the day.

But not everyone enjoys the exact same things the most, and the presence or absence of those things can change someone’s experience of the day a lot.

Take, for instance, that amusement park. Someone in your group might be most excited about going upside down on a roller coaster. Someone else might be really hoping to tuck into a funnel cake. Someone else might be hoping to ride one of those arcade-style shooting games multiple times in the hopes of getting a high score.

If you don’t know what makes an experience “good” for everyone, this can lead to some hard feelings — and sometimes even some conflict that didn’t have to happen, particularly when people have different ideas of what matters.

This is especially true for things you’re doing with kids. I’m sure many people have had the experience of taking a kid to an amazing show or concert, and often what the kid will talk about later is getting to buy a snack at intermission.

Now, it might be tempting to get upset about this. Are you really paying hundreds of dollars for the opportunity to stand in line to buy an overpriced Coke?

But a better mindset is to realize that if this intermission treat really matters to the child, you can make a special day even more special by giving the kid some cash to hit the refreshment stand. Indeed, if you know that this really excites your young companion, you could decide to buy slightly cheaper seats and be even more generous on the concession front. After all, that is a reasonable chunk of what will make this experience good.

I think it’s worth paying attention to what makes an experience “good” for you too. When our family vacations at the beach each summer, I want to get in at least a few runs with a view of the ocean. I dearly love my children, but when I’m out for an evening of adult fun, what really makes the night “good” for me is coming home after my youngest is asleep. I do the bedtime routine about 330 nights per year. That little extra break is what makes a night out feel magical.

So ask people — and ask yourself — what everyone is most looking forward to. What would make the experience good?

When you know what people value, you can do your best to make sure that happens — and maybe not obsess over what doesn’t really move the needle.