Think "connection," not "networking"

A better way to expand your world

We’ve all heard this graduation advice: “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know!” Networking is, supposedly, the secret to success.

It also feels, at least in the way a lot of people think of it, grossly transactional. Who wants that? So, instead, substitute the word “connection.” You’re not trying to build a network, or work a network. You’re just trying to connect with a lot of interesting people! I find this makes the whole process feel more interesting and fun (and might actually be more effective too).

Random connections

I was reminded of this truth while reading Ashley Stahl’s book, You Turn: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, and Design Your Dream Career.

In her book, she recounts being freshly in Washington DC, and going to networking events, as one does. But it turns out that one of the most interesting and useful connections she made at an early networking event was with a cab driver. Long story short, when they got to talking, she learned that he sometimes drove for some people at the White House. Over time, he was able to help Ashley get a meeting with them.

Not bad, huh? Now I’m not saying this is what always happens in life. In fact it usually doesn’t. But in general, connection is a good thing. And connection is so much better than trying to evaluate who is immediately useful and who isn’t.

So instead of networking, think connection. The upside of this mindset is that it suggests different, and perhaps more enjoyable behaviors. Rather than going into a networking event trying to find a new client, and surrounding the one person with the biggest budget just like everyone else, you go in hoping to have some interesting conversations. Maybe you come out of the event with recommendations for two new restaurants you need to try, and the name of an orthodontist three people all exclaimed that they loved (good to know if you’ve got multiple kids). Maybe you find out about a running club that’s recruiting new members at around your pace. Maybe you find someone who loves native plant garden design as much as you do. All of these would be very pleasant outcomes for the time spent.

All life counts

This mindset also gets rid of the artificial distinction between professional and personal connections. People are people. It’s worthwhile to connect with the lady who’s always on her porch on the next block when you’re out walking your dog. It’s worthwhile to get to know the people at your house of worship, or the other parent who’s always there when you bring your kid to dance class.

Now it is certainly possible that when you join that running club you learned about at the networking event you will find yourself running miles with someone who happens to work for a large company where you’d like to send your resume. Lucky you.

But we often need different things in life, and it’s the randomness of knowing lots of different people that can help there.

I was reminded of this when I read a blog post a few years ago by Kristen over at The Frugal Girl. She had been living with her parents after a personal crisis and she wanted to find her own place where she and her girls could live. Multiple places didn’t pan out.

Then, in the midst of this, her mom shared what Kristen was going through with some friends. One woman informed her that her son’s tenants were moving out in a few weeks. Kristen was able to apply before the home was even listed.

All sorts of connections matter. The more you have, the better. So instead of networking, think connection. You’ll connect with more and different people, and probably enjoy the process more too.