There is always downtime
Even a jam-packed day will have some free minutes. Best to notice them.
Weekends this time of year tend to get a bit full in my household. It can be tempting to craft a narrative of having no downtime. For instance, on a recent Sunday I left with the 5-year-old for two back-to-back birthday parties at 1:45 p.m. We got back at 5:30 p.m., and I was back out the door again at 6 p.m. to go to my 17-year-old’s vocal recital. I didn’t get home until 8:30 p.m., at which point I had to wrestle the 5-year-old into a bath (to get the face paint off, of course) and get everyone to bed.
However, I track my time, and so I know that at 10 p.m. I was in my bed reading a book, and I kept reading it until I turned off the lights at 11 p.m. That isn’t zero downtime. That’s a full hour.
I can also see that I got home from church at 11:30 a.m. I knew I’d need to leave again at 1:45 p.m., and that a few things needed to happen during that time (like wrapping two birthday presents). But those things didn’t take 2 hours and 15 minutes. There was some downtime while my husband was watching a show with the 5-year-old as well.
Some discretionary time
From many years of studying time logs, I know that my Sunday is not atypical. Many people with jobs and families have days where they are doing a lot. But even on days where we’re doing a lot, there is almost always some quantity of time that isn’t spoken for. Even if it’s not pure leisure (because the kids are around) there tend to be some spots of time that aren’t dedicated to something in particular. If you doubt me, try tracking your time for a week and see how many hours seem nebulous and hard to describe. There’s random puttering, random kid care, random leisure.
There’s nothing wrong with this time. It can be great! But it’s almost universally there in reasonable quantities, even in busy lives.
The reason to be aware of this is — on a fundamental level — so this time can be noticed and appreciated as real time. When we do have a lot going on, it’s easy to focus on the next thing that has to happen. I have to be out the door in two hours and these presents have to be wrapped! But if the next thing doesn’t have to happen for another two hours or so, you can do something fun with that time. (I got outside for a little while). On the other hand, if you’re so focused on the two hours passing and all you need to do before getting to the next thing, you won’t do anything fun.
And that would be a shame. Because time is always filled with something. Random puttering could be redirected toward reading, calling a friend, doing something creative, or even just staring out the window. Part of appreciating the bigness of time is seeing that this time is there and that it might be used for something pleasurable.
Changing the story
Seeing that there is almost always some downtime can also change the narrative. When we tell ourselves the story that we have “zero” downtime, then we don’t think about what we’d like to do with our leisure time. If it doesn’t exist, what’s the point? But when I see that even on a very busy day, I have two hours of discretionary time, this is a different matter. I can ask what I might like to do with this time.
I believe that even unstructured time is best spent mindfully — reading a book, watching chosen TV, walking around, chatting with a family member. But when we aren’t aware that it exists, because we tell ourselves the story that it doesn’t exist, then we can’t take advantage of it. Best to see exactly what time looks like.
"Unstructured time is best spent mindfully." A great intention to remember throughout the day. Time to get off the computer... :)
I cannot begin to tell you how much rediscovering "Best of Both Worlds" podcast, and subsequently Vanderhacks, has helped me in this season of life. I'm an Australian new mom, who has just returned to work full time at a mid-level management role, my six month old has just started daycare, and my husband works in an executive role. We are both also on boards, are training for half marathons, and I'm doing online study to finish off a new degree. We are also juggling this with the guilt of being working parents, particularly in an Australian context, where it is still somewhat affordable to have a stay at home parent.
Our life feels complex in the way that can only be managed through military-style precision and organisation, and downtime feels fleeting. However, I'm constantly reminded by your newsletters and podcasts of the power of reframing. For example, I workout in the mornings before the baby wakes up. I listen to my favourite podcasts on my commute. I go for an evening walk with the baby and dog. I have a half hour before I go to bed to read a book. Because I schedule it out, it's hard to remember that it is in fact downtime, and not just another thing on the seemingly never ending To Do List. Thank you for the reminder!!