The art of virtual coffee

Have more casual conversations with far-flung colleagues and friends

Whether you work in an office five days a week or are part of an entirely distributed team, my guess is that at least some of your professional relationships are mostly virtual now. You may also have friends in far-flung locations, or whose schedules seem to be chronically packed. Connecting with people you rarely see in person can be challenging.

But it’s not impossible. This is where virtual coffees come in.

Relationship-building by Zoom

Grabbing coffee with someone is generally seen as a casual, low-key way to get to know someone better or reinforce existing ties. In the past it was assumed you’d meet up at the local Starbucks for 45 minutes. But given how common video meetings are these days, there’s no reason such conversations absolutely have to be in person. If your new co-worker is two time zones away from you, there are some pretty obvious upsides to these conversations not being in person.

So why not bring it up? You could send a note saying “If we were in the same place, I’d suggest we grab coffee to get to know each other better. But since we’re in different places, what about virtual coffee?” Then you can suggest a few 30-minute slots that would work.

As with an in-person coffee, you can just show up. But you might also decide to make the best use of your time by thinking through a few topics in advance. What would be most helpful to cover? Has the person mentioned anything important to them that you could ask about?

Since anyone with a modicum of social skills will ask you about your life as well you might ponder anything in particular you’d like to share. Maybe it’s a recent funny story or a situation where you’d like advice.

Raise your mug

A practical note: Since you’re not actually at a coffee shop, you don’t have to purchase a cup of coffee to have a “virtual coffee.” But I find it’s nice to have a mug (or a glass of lemonade, or whatever) visible on the screen to signal that it’s a casual conversation. I also generally put my laptop somewhere other than my official “Zoom Room” where I give virtual speeches or do videotaped interviews that someone might watch. After all, this isn’t a formal interview. It’s just (virtual) coffee!

The upside of a virtual coffee is that you don’t even need to build in travel time. This can be a quick 30-minute thing, which could fit in a packed day in a way that driving to Starbucks from your office might not. So if anything, err on the side of scheduling more virtual coffees. It’s a small investment of time that can have a big payoff in your relationships.