Say what you will do, not what you won't

A positive spin makes boundaries more palatable

Setting boundaries is hard. We want to be helpful and accommodating, but being constantly available is unsustainable.

Fortunately, it is possible to set boundaries but still seem like a team player. Just say what you will do, not what you won’t.

Frame from the positive

I’m borrowing this tip from Laura Mae Martin’s recent book, Uptime. In it, she notes that “The best way to communicate boundaries is to frame from the positive.”

That is, instead of saying “I don’t instant message outside my work hours,” you might say “I’m available by messaging between 7:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m.”

Instead of saying “I’m not taking any new clients right now,” you could say “I’m taking new clients starting in August.”

Instead of saying “I can’t do a career chat this week,” you say “I do career chats on the third Thursday of the month” or whatever time you’ve slotted into your schedule for various nice-to-do things.

Still accommodating

The upside of framing boundaries in a positive way is it shows you’re still willing to accommodate a lot. After all, someone who’s available by instant message between 7:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. is available 50 hours a week! If I want to get in touch, it feels like I should be able to send my message at some point in there. And I’ll get a response! I don’t even think about the fact that my message sent at 9:00 p.m. might linger there unnoticed.

As for pushing potential clients or informational meetings forward, you’re not saying “never.” You’re just noting the available time…which may not be right now. But it’s not never either.

As Martin notes, having boundaries doesn’t mean they’re never crossed. But “even sticking to them most of the time makes a huge difference,” she writes. Work feels more sustainable. And people know they can still get in touch.