Reflect before you connect

Preparing for a social gathering can make it more meaningful

Most people — hopefully! — plan for work meetings. In an ideal scenario, people have a clear agenda and purpose for any meetings they’ve convened. We do this so we get things done effectively and don’t waste time.

But when’s the last time you prepared for a social gathering?

Gatherings of all sorts

Just as with a work meeting, a social get-together involves convening people at a set time to accomplish something they couldn’t on their own. So there’s a lot to be said for doing prep work for both — because, just as with a work meeting, a little forethought can make a personal gathering much more meaningful. While you don’t necessarily want to circulate an agenda in advance of a lunch date with friends (though…you could?), it is wise to think through what’s going on in the lives of the people you’ll see. You can think about what’s going on in your own life, too, that you want to share and maybe get their input on.

Did you last see your friends before or after you found out your spouse isn’t changing jobs? If it was before, be sure to update them. Have you told them about the rowing class you just started and are loving — and that you think they might want to check out? Think through any topics in your life that your friends might find interesting. Also reflect on topics in your friends’ lives that you want to follow up on. Whatever happened with that renovation project your friend was considering? How is your other friend’s mom settling into the retirement home? How many tomatoes has the friend with the green thumb harvested from her vegetable garden?

Make the most of it

Spend some time thinking about this, and maybe write yourself a note about what you’d like to cover. Whether in a paper or digital calendar you can leave a note like “Mom’s move to the retirement home?” or “Job search progress?”

Especially when you’re feeling stretched going from one thing to another, spending a little time —even just five minutes — reflecting before you connect can make a big difference in how deep those connections actually are. If you’ve prioritized time for relationships in your busy life, you definitely want to make the most of it.