Pick a time to start worrying

How to relax when you've got something big coming up

Earlier this week here at Vanderhacks, I ran an interview with DJ DiDonna about taking “big time off” — that is, scheduling and planning sabbaticals.

Some sabbaticals are planned. Some are not. Many people wind up unintentionally taking time out of the workforce when a job disappears or becomes untenable for some reason.

In many of these cases, people would like to get back to work eventually, but that will involve finding a new job. Theoretically, a severance package (or savings) could provide a relaxed, sabbatical-like experience before an intense job search. Having taken time off, someone might even go into the job search with a clearer picture of what the next adventure should look like.

The problem, of course, is that if you know you’re going to be worried about finding a job, it’s hard to relax in the meantime.

Put it on the calendar

So I love DiDonna’s solution he mentioned in the interview: pick a time to start worrying. If you have landed three months’ severance plus you have a reasonable amount of savings, maybe you choose a date on the calendar two months from now to start thinking about what’s next. Then you relax until then.

I think this is a smart idea for all sorts of rumination. Eventually I’m going to need to think about the schedule for the school year, but it’s only July and my kids don’t go back to school until September. I can pick a time in late August to start thinking about this.

Or maybe you know you’re going to need to do some major repairs on your house, but you’re traveling and on vacation for the next few weeks. You can pick a time two months from now to start thinking about it. Put the date on the calendar. Then, when you find yourself worrying about this before then, remind yourself that there is a time to think about this topic. Now is not that time.

Existential dread

Now does this work, practically? You obviously won’t stop all existential worries. Knowing your day to start thinking about the job search is September 15th doesn’t mean you won’t wake up on August 15th wondering what on earth you are doing with yourself.

But in many cases, it truly doesn’t help to think of things too early, and it does help to give ourselves some mental space before those worries. So if you’ve got something big coming up, pick a time to start worrying, and see if that helps you stop worrying now.

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