People notice less than you think

Here's permission to stop worrying about it

When we are younger, we tend to have a self-centric view of the world. That doesn’t mean young people are particularly pompous; indeed, it can be the opposite. Young people often live in fear that everyone is judging them. Everyone knows about that bad grade on a math test. Everyone saw you drop your tray in the cafeteria. Everyone saw the tag sticking out of your T-shirt because you forgot to cut it off.

One of the blessings of adulthood is realizing how little anyone cares. Again, not because everyone else is mean and horrible…it’s because everyone else is stuck in their own little worlds too.

What’s on your mind?

As evidence, you might ponder what you are thinking about this morning. Are you endlessly rehashing whether the shirt your colleague wore last Thursday was actually flattering on her? Are you pondering why that other family with kids the same ages as your kids is late to church every Sunday? Are you noting that your neighbors left their garbage cans out an extra day after the truck came?

My guess is…no. Who has time for that? You are thinking about the very long list of what you have to do today, and if that package is going to arrive in time for Arnold’s birthday party, and if you should have grabbed an umbrella…and so on. All those other people may be obsessing about these topics, convinced that “everyone” has noticed a perceived transgression, but if you did notice, you moved on quickly enough.

Happily, no one cares

I find myself remembering this every time I read some bombastic social media post where our hero or heroine tells us that “everyone” said they had to do X, but they did Y instead. Take that world! I’m not sure what it says about human nature that we feel the need to argue against something, but I am guessing that in the vast majority of cases, “everyone” saying something means 1-2 people said something in passing, and our hero decided to make a thing out of it.

The good news is that when you realize other people notice far less than you think they do, then you can live your life with a little less of a negative feedback loop going in your brain. If you repeated yourself in that presentation…oh well. Your manager is more worried about whether that cryptic note from Carlos means he’s about to quit. If you didn’t wear the world’s snazziest shoes, but you were comfortable, awesome. And you can make bigger choices that are right for your life without living in fear of judgment. If you want to go back to school at age 56, great! If you don’t want to, also great — trust me, “everybody” will be fine either way.