"Not as much as I want" is not the same as "none"

How to feel more satisfied with limited downtime

Over the years, I have had thousands of people track their time for me — often on weekly spreadsheets, sometimes in narrative form, and sometimes in apps. I have tracked my own time for nine years. I’ve studied various other time diary studies, such as the American Time Use Survey, in great detail.

What I have learned is that basically every one has some discretionary time.

Some people have a lot of it. My five children, for instance, manage to watch a lot of shows and play a lot of video games.

Others of us have less. Caring for those five children turns out to take a reasonable quantity of time! When you look at large scale time diary studies, it’s no real surprise that my demographic — working parents with kids under the age of 6 — has less free time than retirees or people not raising families.

An important distinction

But — and this is key — we don’t have none. When people say “I have no free time whatsoever,” what they really mean is that “I don’t have as much free time as I want.”

That is an absolutely true statement! And it’s also more useful than the defeatist “none.” When you believe you have zero free time, then you don’t bother thinking about what to do with it. So when leisure time does appear, as it does for everyone at some point, the tendency is to do whatever is right there. These days that tends to be scrolling, but it could be anything.

“Not as much as I want,” on the other hand, implies some great questions: How could I scale up my limited leisure time over the next few months? How could I best use the limited free time I do have to get the most enjoyment out of it?

Making the most of limited time

With that as the narrative, rather than downplay 60 minutes of leisure a day as mere ephemera, someone might decide to spend 20 minutes of that doing a crossword puzzle and 40 minutes reading. The time is the same either way, but when it’s acknowledged, it feels more satisfying.

So if you find yourself lamenting that you have “no free time whatsoever,” try changing your story. Perhaps using the phrase “I don’t have as much free time as I want” will inspire you to go hunt for more leisure time! I know when I start feeling that way, it’s time to take a slightly longer lunch to read or go for a walk, or hand over bedtime duties for a night or two. It still might not be quite as much free time I want, but at least it’s more — and that’s a good thing.