Make compliments about the other person

How to be even more generous in your praise

No one minds a compliment. Almost any sort of appreciation that comes from a good place is going to be appreciated, and in life, it’s good to notice nice things about other people.

So hand out compliments freely! But if you are giving someone a compliment, you can take yourself up to the advanced level with a simple tweak: make the compliment about the other person.

I heard this tip from Alison Cheperdak, an etiquette expert, and the author of Was It Something I Said? (She’s the guest on today’s episode of Before Breakfast!). Instead of “I love how that dress looks on you” simply say “That dress looks fabulous on you.” Instead of “I appreciate all the energy you’re bringing to this project” you could say “You bring such energy to this project — thank you.”

There’s nothing wrong with the first format. It’s just extra special when the compliment is focused completely on the other person, rather than bringing yourself into the mix. If you’re the one talking, of course you appreciate something, or think something. By taking the “I” out of it, the compliment seems a little more generous.

If this trips you up, then don’t worry about it. But the next time you’re about to give someone a compliment, you might try starting with a “you” statement (it’s the opposite of complaints — which perhaps should start with an “I”). The person might feel a little more seen, and give an extra big smile.