Make better introductions
How to bring people together without awkward misunderstandings
Some people are natural connectors. They spend their lives thinking about which far-flung corners of their networks should be brought closer.
Most of us are not like that. I was talking with my daughter about a friend’s family structure and she noted that her kids were the exact same age as another close friend’s kids. “Have they ever met each other?” she asked. The answer: Nope. Perhaps I need to get on this.
In other words, making connections is often an acquired skill. But it’s a good skill to acquire — because bringing awesome people together is a great way to make good things happen, and to make multiple people feel more positive about you.
A high batting average
The happy insight here is that if you like and admire Person A, and you also like and admire Person B, there is a really good chance that Person A and Person B would get along. If you can see a match up in a business context, there is a really good chance that they could have a productive phone call. Some people don’t have space in their lives for any more connections. But those people are rare. This game of introducing people that you genuinely like is one in which you can bat .800 or so pretty easily.
That is, if you take the most important part of this tip to heart. For an introduction to work, you need to ask both people if they want to be introduced. This might seem like an unnecessary step, given that if you know both parties well enough to be making an introduction, they are 95 percent likely to say yes. But sending each of them a note or calling them ahead of time to get permission does a few things.
First, it gives you a chance to explain who the other person is without that person being part of the audience. So you can be a bit more straightforward about why the introduction will be useful to each person. This also means that when you do send a note introducing both parties, each will know who the other person is, and why they should be connecting.
Avoiding anything awkward
When people fail to do this, it can be confusing. I’ve gotten introductory notes from people that just say “you two are awesome, you should connect!” While I have no doubt that the other person, let’s call her Beth, is awesome, I wind up doing some frantic Google searching to figure out who she is before responding to the email. And then I guess totally wrong about why we should be connecting right now. Beth might want to talk because she’s also into podcasting. But my Google searching turns up that she wrote for a publication I used to write for, and so I think it’s maybe something about that. Both of us will waste time trying to figure this out.
The second reason to ask: there’s always a chance that you’ll find out an intro isn’t a good idea right this second. Maybe one person is about to depart for an offline month-long retreat. Or you were about to suggest someone send in her resume to the other party’s company, and you find out that party B just got fired and it’s a bit of a sore subject. Again these are unlikely scenarios, but finding this out ahead of time saves you all from wondering why Party B isn’t responding, and if you did something offensive. Party A might not be happy to be introduced and reach out, and get crickets in return. I’m sure she’ll forgive you, but why take the risk?
Double opt-in introductions are the way to go. But when you do these, you can make all sorts of wonderful things happen. People get hired and get new long-term clients. They make new friends and meet new lovers. You change the world for the better, and that is a great use of time.