How to make the rest fair

Plan so everyone has enough time for their own pursuits

In her insightful book How to Keep House While Drowning, therapist KC Davis points out a common problem with couples struggling with too much to do.

In general, fair-minded couples try to make sure the work is fair. The goal is that everyone is doing the same amount of work, which on some level makes sense.

But Davis points out what you may already know from experience: it’s hard to compare different kinds of work. Paid versus unpaid. At home versus outside the home. More versus less physically demanding, emotionally demanding, or intellectually demanding. On call and available versus active. It’s hard to know who is working harder or more. And in a partnership where you’re both working hard and feeling exhausted, nobody wins a misery contest anyway.

So instead of trying to make the work fair, however you define work, Davis suggests starting from the question “How can we ensure that we both get rest?” Or in other words, how can we make the rest fair?

There turn out to be several ways to make the rest fair, even if you’ve got little kids and busy schedules.