Go by yourself

Don't miss out on fun just because you don't have a companion

Not long ago, I posted a selfie of me at a fancy restaurant online. My point was to show the gorgeous food arrangement (you know how it is on social media). So imagine my surprise when one of the first messages I got was, basically, “you went by yourself?”

The answer: absolutely. I was traveling for work (no kids), I was a few blocks away from this famous fancy restaurant, and I was able to score a table (it was a Tuesday). Getting the full restaurant experience sounded better to me than ordering mediocre and lukewarm room service. It didn’t really occur to me that I should feel weird about going by myself!

But since then I’ve learned that this person’s question is more common than I imagined. Plenty of people don’t do various activities if they don’t have a companion. I certainly understand that it’s often more enjoyable to do things with a partner, a friend, or a colleague. But if there’s an experience you’d like to have, you can in fact go by yourself. It’s probably better to have the experience than not have the experience, whether you have a companion or not.

Start small

If you’re not accustomed to doing many things by yourself, go easy at first. Take yourself out for lunch somewhere. Just bring a book or scroll around on your phone. Sometimes restaurants will ask you to sit at the bar if they’re crowded, but if they’re not, you can just sit at a table and ignore the other chair. Trust me, everyone else is ignoring the other chair. Other people pay a lot less attention to us than we think!

Little adventures can be solo excursions too. If no one else wants to go see that museum or botanical garden, or no one else can go at a time that’s convenient for you, then go by yourself. It’s fun to be able to move at the exact pace you want! You can definitely buy single tickets to concerts. Sometimes, especially close to show time, single tickets can be quite cheap as the venue might worry they won’t be able to sell them.

Solo travel can be a bit more intimidating, but I wouldn’t rule this out either. Start with a straightforward overnight or weekend trip somewhere. If you’re pondering a bigger trip, but you’re looking to take baby steps, you could join a group tour for part of the time, and then do a few days solo at the end (just use your good sense — I’ve traveled solo in countries such as France and Australia where solo women travelers are common, but maybe best to avoid places where they aren’t).

Mismatched preferences

Recognizing that you can go by yourself is particularly smart if you’re in a relationship where one person is far more of a homebody than the other. I hear sometimes from people who’d like to have various adventures on the weekends but their partners prefer to rest after an active week.

Both choices are valid. The problem is if you always lean toward one person’s preference or the other. Then someone is going to be unhappy. But if you recognize that you can love each other, and can do separate things sometimes, you’ll probably have a happier home life.

This is true if you have kids too. The homebody and the non-homebody can trade off so each can have time for their interests. Or you could have a solo adventure while your kid is at that robotics tournament or at swim team practice.

In any case, the more people there are involved in something, the more effort it takes to coordinate. Often that’s worth it. But not always. Personally, I’d rather buy a solo ticket for a show and get to see it than worry about whether I can find anyone to go with me. If you go on your own to things, you’ll likely still have fun, and you’ll get to share the story with others afterwards. That can be fun too.