Get curious when things don't go as planned

Smart questions can help you craft a plan that does work

Because I write about time management, I hear from a lot of people about their goals. This includes their frustrations when things don’t go as planned. Often, people berate themselves for not doing what they intended. I guess some people find that motivational, but it might be a better idea to just get curious about why things didn’t work. Maybe it’s not that you are a failure — the plan itself had some flaws.

For instance, let’s say you and a friend decide that you’ll go to this boot camp class at your gym every Monday night…but then you usually find yourselves going out for drinks instead. As you sit there feeling guilty the next day, you might promise yourself that next week will be different. But let’s be honest here. It’s probably wisest to figure out why you landed in the bar instead of the gym for the last three weeks.

Diagnose the problem

Maybe it’s a schedule issue. One of you can’t realistically leave work, get to the gym, change clothes, and be in the studio by 6:00 p.m. Maybe it’s a different one of you each week, but the net result is that one of you is usually texting “Hey, stuck in a meeting, can we meet at Bruno’s instead?” If that’s the problem, maybe you’d be better off finding a class that meets at a different time, when you both have control of your schedules — like 9 a.m. on a Saturday.

Or maybe the problem is that you’re both really tired on Monday, and you’d do better with a Thursday class. Or maybe the issue is that this is the only time you see your friend, and you always have a lot to talk about, and you can’t talk while doing burpees. If that’s the case, maybe you could meet for a walk or run instead. You exercise and get to catch up.

When we get curious about why a plan isn’t working, we’re better positioned to develop a plan that will work.

Their mornings aren’t your mornings

Or — and I see this a lot — maybe you’re struggling with a morning routine. People come up with all sorts of ideas of what they’d like to do before breakfast. They’ve read stories of successful people who get up at 5 a.m., run a marathon, meditate for an hour, and then enjoy lots of green juice. I confess that I have written some of these profiles. All of this is great, but maybe these early rising folks don’t have two toddlers and a puppy, who make mornings unpredictable. If that’s the case, then setting your alarm early doesn’t guarantee you’ll get to do your routine, which gets frustrating. Better to figure out what does work, like trading off mornings with your partner, so each of you can be sure of having some chunk of time, or doing your morning routine from 8-8:45 a.m. after you drop your kids at daycare but before work starts.

When you’re struggling to follow through on a plan, you don’t need to berate yourself. Think about whether the plan is truly aligned with your goals and desires, and whether it’s realistic for your life. When you get curious why a plan isn’t working, you can adjust and make a plan that will get you where you want to go.