Find 'me time' before everyone is asleep

You don't have to trade off sleep and time for fun

I’ve seen a lot of time logs over the years, and on many, I’ve seen a familiar pattern. A person puts their kids to bed during a long and sometimes frustrating process. Then there are the chores: maybe starting the dishwasher, making lunches for the next day, picking up, shutting the house.

Finally, around 10:30 p.m., everything is done. The person needs to wake up at 6 a.m. the next morning but…they are not about to go to bed now that they finally have some time to themselves! Now is the time for TV/video games/scrolling that didn’t happen earlier. It can go on for…a while.

Sleep deprivation is the price people are willing to pay for me time.

But here’s the thing: you don’t have to choose between adequate sleep and discretionary time. Sleep and me time are both essential to a satisfying and sustainable schedule. With a little planning and creativity, you can have both.

Shift the time

First, if you’re looking for me time while your kids are asleep, it might be possible to go to bed on time and still get up before them. I’m not talking about 4:30 a.m. But if your kids are normally up around 6:30 a.m., even getting up at 5:45 might allow for some higher quality me time than you’ll get at 11 p.m. Late at night you’ll scroll, possibly for a long time. First thing in the morning you might read something more substantial than click bait headlines, or write in a journal, or sketch or do another creative hobby. There’s also a natural ending point, since people have to start their days, so there won’t be the temptation to scroll for hours. Go to bed earlier and get up earlier, and you can have time just for you first thing in the morning.

If you commute, definitely treat your commute as me time. Listen to audio books for pleasure. Spend some time researching some longer podcasts that might make the trip feel exciting.

Don’t write off the work day either. If you can possibly take breaks, take breaks. You could think about your five lunch breaks during the week as a portfolio of fun options. Maybe two days you go out with colleagues. Two days you read. One day you do a little adventure, like stopping by a nearby park, or visiting a gallery that intrigues you.

I’d also suggest creating a few waking, non-working hours where your kids are not in your care. If you are co-parenting with someone, come up with a formal trade-off schedule. You can take an hour after work on Monday to do something fun and your co-parent gets Tuesday. Maybe each of you has some fun-for-you commitment like a group bike ride or choir practice each week. Divide and conquer and neither of you will feel quite so compelled to stay up late just to feel like an autonomous person.

Invest in me-time

You can even arrange for some extra childcare. If you normally get off work at 5 p.m. and your daycare closes at 6 p.m., maybe one night a week don’t rush straight there. Go sit at a coffee shop or in the library and decompress for 30 minutes before heading over.

And if you have little ones who still nap? On weekends, don’t do chores during nap time. Well, at least don’t do chores first. Use the first 45 minutes of nap for something that feels rejuvenating for you. If you’re home with little kids on weekdays, same rule. If you do chores first, a short nap means you get no me time. But if you have your fun first, then probably you’ll still get to the chores in bits and pieces later. Or you won’t. But oh well. Life won’t feel like such a drag. And you might be able to get your sleep and your fun too.