Don't talk yourself into it

How to be kind to your future self

I know that Vanderhacks readers are productive and ambitious people. So I am sure you have opportunities coming to you all the time.

Certainly, it’s flattering to have people reach out to you with prestigious professional and personal options. Lots of people would love to do these things. Indeed, people spend a lot of time and energy pitching themselves for these opportunities that just land in your lap!

And so, I imagine you’ve had versions of this conversation in your head about any given opportunity:

“It wouldn’t take too much time.”

“It might introduce me to interesting people.”

“I’ve been thinking about branching out into that area.”

“I’ll probably learn something about X, Y, or Z.”

“Well, if you look at it on a per hour basis, it’s pretty reasonable.”

“That might look good if I ever try applying for X, Y, or Z…”

And so on. I’m not saying those arguments aren’t true. But here’s the thing: when we truly want to do something we don’t have to hunt around for explanations of why we really should want to do it. Best friend scores front row tickets on the 50-yard line to see your favorite football team play their top rival? You’re thinking logistics, not rationales. CEO of your company taps you to lead your dream project? You’re already hiring for your team in your mind, not asking if it’s the right thing to do.

Soothing nerves

Yes, sometimes we feel nervous about things, and we need to address those anxieties, but there’s a difference between those inner explanations where you’re arguing with yourself that maybe you shouldn’t do something and those inner arguments when you’re arguing that you should. In general, I think we should push ourselves outside our comfort zones and say yes to things that sound exciting, but then you start trying to talk yourself out of them. The immediate excitement is telling. Everything else is just a practical matter to be solved.

It’s the stuff you’re trying to talk yourself into that’s more of a problem.

So instead of trying to talk yourself into things, try two other tactics. First, and especially if the work for this opportunity will be happening a while in the future, ask yourself if you’d do it tomorrow. Would you be willing to get on a plane or cold call 20 people or whatever it is tomorrow? If the answer is no, you’re not going to magically be more excited in two months when this opportunity comes to fruition. So be kind to your future self and say no.

Consider the opportunity cost

Second, figure out what else you could do with that time. When people are asked to do something, they often compare that to “nothing.” And most things look better than “nothing.” But that’s not the right comparison. You are a productive and ambitious person. You could definitely arrange some awesome things in your life if you tried. If you don’t go give that talk to people who might theoretically be useful, you could go visit your best friend’s family instead. You could take an overnight hiking trip somewhere beautiful. You could spend a day fully focused on deep work, and strategic planning for your career. Those are all pretty amazing ideas! Is this opportunity better than that?

Sometimes, yes. And sometimes no. If the answer is no then pay attention to how much explaining you’re doing to yourself. You don’t need to talk yourself into things. Just use this script. “Thank you so much for thinking of me. Unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to take this on, but I wish you the best of luck with the project!”

Then go use the time for something else. Your future self will thank you.