Making decisions is hard. The bigger the decision, the harder it can be. It can be tempting to just keep kicking a decision forward, but in many cases, not deciding is itself a choice.
But there is a way to reduce the rumination, even if you can’t make a decision right now. Decide when you’ll decide. That way you can gather information, sit with various options, nudge other people to express their preferences, and yet know you won’t be in this uncertain space forever.
So, for instance — in the lower stakes version of this — perhaps you would like to decide where and when to travel next summer. There are many options, but eventually you need to put in for days off. You can simply agree with other family members that you will decide on a certain date. Everyone will know to prepare their arguments and figure out the calendar by then. Or if they don’t, perhaps you will just make a decision. Knowing that can light a fire under people to get their act together.
This can also work for higher stakes matters. Perhaps you’ve been feeling unhappy at work. You’re not feeling challenged, and your organization seems to have bigger issues that you’re not sure will be resolved soon. But life is busy, and things aren’t terrible. While I think it’s always a good idea to see what’s out there, you could decide that you will decide in 60 days. If you are still feeling this job malaise two months from now, you will start actively looking for a new job. This gives you enough time to sit with the possibility, and make sure this isn’t just a temporary feeling.
Of course, these decision dates aren’t binding. If a fantastic job offer appears in two weeks, that might be your answer right there. And if you truly aren’t ready to make a decision in 60 days, well, that itself is a decision in a way.
But I think that one of the hardest parts of big decisions is not knowing what to do, and feeling like this uncertainty might last forever. Putting a deadline on a decision can help take back some mental space and make life feel doable in the meantime.
Great idea, Laura. Thanks!