Connect when it counts

Be the person who's there when others aren't

Like many people, I get those LinkedIn notices about my connections’ new jobs. The idea is that this provides a nudge to reach out and congratulate people. I subscribe to Publisher’s Lunch, a newsletter which tells me about all the new book deals that have happened lately. I find myself reaching out to congratulate fellow authors on those deals most weeks too. We reach out when people post birthday or wedding or anniversary announcements on social media. All of these are good ideas.

But if you or a friend or family member has ever gone through a personal or professional set-back, you know that the crowds become a bit more thin.

Lonely moments

Maybe you were publicly in the running for something, and lost. Maybe someone you love is in legal trouble. Maybe some embarrassing past incident came up, or you or a loved one has been fired or laid off or seen a business go bankrupt. Or you made a mistake. Good people can have momentary lapses in judgement that have profound ramifications. None of us is immune to this happening. You probably remember anyone who was there for you in a tough time.

So you can resolve to be that person for anyone else in such circumstances. When you find out about the situation, reach out. Check in to see how the person is doing and offer to be a sounding board. Then reach out again in a few days to remind your friend that you are thinking of him or her. Communicate through multiple methods: calls, emails, snail mail or, if it makes sense, visiting in person. When the other person is ready, be there with assistance. You can brainstorm about new career moves together or offer to make introductions.

What goes around

The primary reason to do this is that you are a good person. You can lift someone’s mood when it most needs lifting.

But it’s not all altruistic. Careers are long. Life is long. Someone unceremoniously fired from one job will be hired elsewhere. Someone who sees one business go belly-up is quite likely to start another that runs brilliantly for decades. These people will be great professional connections in the future who will remember your loyalty. A generous and thoughtful friend who made a mistake most likely deserves forgiveness and the opportunity to rebuild a reputation. You have the opportunity to experience many wonderful years together in the future if you are there for the relationship now.

So, connect when it counts. Doing so will be remembered — far more than yet another congratulations when all is rosy.