Connect when it counts
Be the person who's there when no one else is
If you’re on LinkedIn, you probably get notices about your connections’ new jobs. No doubt this happy news nudges you to reach out. I subscribe to the Publishers Lunch newsletter, which announces book deals, and I always enjoy congratulating acquaintances who’ve just landed multi-book deals at auction. Success is fun to celebrate!
But if you or a friend or family member has ever gone through a big set-back, you know that the crowds thin considerably in these circumstances. Maybe you were publicly in the running for something…and lost. Maybe someone you love is in legal trouble. Maybe some embarrassing past incident came up, or you or a loved one has been fired or seen a business go bankrupt. Maybe you made a mistake. Good people can have momentary lapses that have profound ramifications.
None of us is immune to this happening. If it has, you probably remember anyone who was there for you when it was easier not to be.
So you can resolve to be that person for someone else in such circumstances.
When you find out about the situation, reach out. Check in to see how the person is doing and offer to be a sounding board. Then reach out again in a few days to remind your friend that you are thinking of him or her. Communicate through multiple methods: calls, emails, visiting in person. When the other person is ready, be there with assistance. You can brainstorm about new career moves together or offer to make introductions.
The primary reason to do this is that you are a good person. You can lift someone’s mood when it most needs lifting.
But it’s not all altruistic. Careers are long. Life is long. Someone unceremoniously fired from one job will be hired elsewhere. Someone who sees one business go belly-up is quite likely to start another that runs brilliantly for decades. These people will be great professional connections in the future who will remember your loyalty. A generous and thoughtful friend who made a mistake most likely deserves forgiveness and the opportunity to rebuild a reputation. You have the opportunity to experience many wonderful years together in the future if you are there for the relationship now.
So, connect when it counts. Doing so will be remembered — far more than yet another round of congratulations when all is rosy.
Hello Laura, first of all thank you very much for all the hacks and insights you continuously offer to your readers. I find them so valuable that I habe taken the habit of sharing them with friends :-) . About being the person who is there when no one else is, I can not underline enough how important and crucial that is, in the same sense as you write about it : indeed, life is long and especially feels long during difficult times and it is in dire times that it is crucial to show up for friends, family members or acquaintances going through that kind of times. We all have to generously give to others what we need ourselves, without waiting for them to fill our needs before we give them something back. I have experienced this first hand shortly, going through a very though year with the help of my friends who, for the most of them, helped me from the first moment to go through my personal ordeal and who kept keeping my hand, morally speaking. The lesson for me there : if one behaves friendly and generously with one's close persons, these persons will be there without missing a beat if one experiences tough times. Nobody can survive alone, we humans do not have a fur, pointy teeth and claws, so we need each other basically to survive. So it makes sense to behave in the best way with others.