Complaining is boring

You can 'be real' while still emphasizing the positive

Humans bond by complaining. Any given gathering can turn into a litany of travel woes, home renovation complaints, or a recitation of just how much people have going on.

And yes, the world is far from perfect. More importantly: no one wants to imply that their own life is charmed when everyone else is dealing with hard stuff. But I remember once when I was with a group of parents, while our kids were playing, and everyone went around the circle basically talking about how ridiculous some aspect of life was. I kept thinking, hmmm. Is this really constructive for building relationships? Like hey, your life sounds terrible! We should be friends!

Complaining can be fun but it is, ultimately, boring. I think it’s possible to “be real” while still focusing on the positive, or at least on constructive things you’re doing about whatever woes you’re facing. So, when you tell your friend that your wifi has been out for a week at the house, you can also mention that you’ve gotten to spend some fun time at Starbucks with your teen while you’re working and he’s doing his homework. Or maybe your flight to Aruba was delayed but hey, the beaches are amazing! You should go sometime. Have you thought about Christmas break yet?

If others are complaining, it is possible to redirect that as well. As in, “Wow, getting home from California sounds like it was challenging, but was it good to catch up with your grandmother? What did you get to do together?”

Hopefully the other person will take the bait and tell you some cute story of going to the same ice cream parlor grandma went to as a girl, and actually seeing a newspaper picture framed on the wall where she’s in the background.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds more interesting to me than yet another tale of a missed connection in O’Hare. Plus, relationships in general thrive on positivity. While we may bond with complaints, people generally don’t want to spend time with someone who’s inevitably a downer. There’s a lot that’s positive in life, so best to focus on it when we can.