Be the eye of the storm

Serve others by being a calming force in anxious situations

We are, mercifully, almost done with hurricane season for the year. While chunks of the summer were mild, some big storms in early fall caused widespread damage.

The nature of hurricanes is that the wind and rain swirl around a small, quiet core. This “eye of the storm” can be calm despite 100 mile per hour winds raging nearby.

It’s a false calm of course, in the sense that if you are in the eye of a hurricane you’re about to get hit with the other side. That said, I think this is a reasonable metaphor for how to behave in anxious situations. When there’s chaos around you, you don’t have to participate in it. You can serve the people around you by intentionally being a calming force. You can choose to be the eye of the storm.

There are all sorts of situations where a calming force is helpful. If you get a bunch of hot emails about potential cut-backs at work, you can see what is going on before weighing in. If you’re at an airport where delays are stacking up, you can be the person who’s not stomping around and screaming. If your family members are arguing around the dinner table, you can continue using a civil tone and, if feasible, bring the conversation around to amicable topics.

This may be easier said than done. I, for one, am not naturally a calm person. But I think it is possible to structure your life so it’s easier to be the eye of the storm.

With professional situations, a strong network and skills make you more resilient — and a large emergency fund makes you realize it will be OK regardless. With travel, it helps to always have a back up plan. You know which hotel you’ll go to near O’Hare and you know how to book the 6 a.m. flight the next morning. With family drama, it’s good to have your own interests and sources of meaning outside your family, so that you do not only draw meaning from your relationships with your family members.

When those things are the case, then you can simply recognize that most things aren’t that bad. Some are. But most aren’t. You’ll get through it.

That calm can then help you be a calming force for others. Frenzies tend to feed on themselves. But when someone behaves as the eye of the storm, it tends to take the wind out of other people’s frenzies, at least to a degree (OK, this may not be how a storm works, but we have taken this metaphor as far as we can!).