Be easy to shop for

Being a good gift recipient is a gift to everyone in your life

One of the upsides of adulthood is having your own money. This means that, within reason, you can buy yourself what you want. The Jaguar or yacht might not happen. But if you want a sweater, or a juice maker, or a book, you buy it.

This is perfectly efficient, but when it comes to gift giving occasions, people can be stumped. If you wanted a sweater, a juice maker, or a book, you would have already gotten it. So people tend to throw up their hands and funnel more money to Amazon in the form of gift cards. Or you wind up with a sweater or book that the person feels stressed about.

Saying “oh, I don’t need anything” isn’t helpful even if it is true. The social pressure to give gifts is strong. It’s actually nicest to let it be widely known that there is a certain category of things you always like. This makes it easy for people to know what to get you.

Become a collector

So if you don’t have one already, consider starting a collection of something. Some random ideas to get you thinking:

• Interesting bottle openers or cork screws

• Old lighters

• Old Boy Scout paraphernalia

• Depictions of cellos

• Miniatures

• Tacky Christmas ornaments

• Vintage cookbooks

• Anything related to Nebraska (where you grew up…)

And so forth. You want something that is specific but broadly available. Then people will know they can always add to your collection.

If you’re not taken with the idea of collecting things, you could “collect” — in quote marks there — things that are specific and consumable. Let people know that you are a connoisseur of hot sauces, and you’ll get varieties from everywhere. Or you could become known for liking flavored vodkas or really smelly blue cheeses. Again, think broadly available but distinct enough that there’s no doubting what fits your interests.

If you really don’t want any stuff, then tell people about your favorite experiences. Have a favorite restaurant, or be known for liking movies in theaters. That way people can give you specific gift certificates. You could also let people know about a cause you feel passionate about. If friends, family members, and colleagues know that anything related to dog rescue will warm your heart, then they can feel confident choosing to donate in your honor to animal welfare charities.

Gifts are inevitable

Now, I know on some level this all seems inefficient. If you don’t need anything, and it’s going to take the other person time and money to get you something, why is anyone bothering? If you can have an honest conversation with people in your life about not exchanging gifts, that is great. Many extended families decide to only do gifts for kids. Offices do a Secret Santa type gift exchange to make sure people only buy one present, or a white elephant exchange so the gift doesn’t have to be thoughtful. The point of a white elephant gift is not to be thoughtful!

But the more I read about the human brain, the more I see how deeply embedded the idea of reciprocal gift giving is. For the situations where it’s inevitable, or for the folks who aren’t going to be able to help themselves, the nicest, least stress-inducing thing you can do is be very easy to shop for. So come up with something you’ll always welcome. You’ll solve this dilemma of what to get you for years to come.