My 4-year-old has been going through a rough stretch of sleep lately. This means, not coincidentally, that I have been going through a rough stretch of sleep lately as he has trouble going down at night, and most nights has been waking up in the middle of the night to come find me. Unfortunately, while the 4-year-old can sleep it off in the morning, I need to be up to help the older kids out the door.
Perhaps you, too, are in a phase of life where sleep isn’t a certainty. Maybe you have babies, or are doing shift work. If so, I imagine you are uninterested in sleep advice that acts like interrupted sleep is a personal failing. I’m not exactly choosing to wake up at 4 a.m. with a kid who’s decided that he urgently needs me (and yes, me, not Daddy) sitting in his room. I limit caffeine and alcohol and screens before bed and sleep in a cool room and…I’m still up.
Doing what we can
That said, these things aren’t either/or. Some things are just life, but other habits can be tweaked.
When I’m in a bad stretch, I ask myself this question: What could I do to get an extra 15 minutes of sleep on any given day?
Often, there are at least a few possibilities. For instance, I can go to bed as soon as the little guy is asleep. I’m often tempted to stay up reading or doing other things that are harder to do when he’s awake, but even an extra few minutes can feel life-giving.
I have also just given up on the idea of morning exercise for now. Theoretically I could get up and do something before getting everyone out the door, and it sounds appealing, but that’s going to have to wait for another year or two until my sleep will be less interrupted.
On weekdays (when I have childcare coverage) I try to leave some open time in the afternoon. It’s there to absorb last minute calls or anything like that…but if I’ve had a really bad night it can also accommodate a nap. That is a perk of working from home!
Prioritize sleep
If you’re not getting enough sleep because of life circumstances, challenge yourself to find a way to add a few minutes a day. No, you’re not going to discover hours. But could you find an extra 15-20 minutes?
Look at everything. Are you getting up early to do work while the house is quiet? I get it — but maybe one or two mornings a week, don’t do that. Are you staying up late to see your older children off to bed? Maybe just give them a warning that if you wake up and find them wandering about there will be trouble — and then get the extra sleep that comes from trusting them. Stop thinking of a certain time as when normal people go to bed. You can totally go to bed earlier if you’d like. Many people are walking around with a story that staying up late is cool, but personally, I think being well-rested is cool.
And while it’s hard to control a baby waking up in the middle of the night, other disturbances can be mitigated. If you love your partner but don’t share a bed well, well, don’t share a bed. You can always enjoy some time together before heading off to sleep separately. A white noise machine can work wonders, as can black out shades, especially if some of your sleep is going to have to happen at unorthodox times.
I love little kids but I am definitely looking forward to better sleep when this little guy is older. Until then, I’m doing what I can, and maybe there are things you can do too. Even an extra 15-20 minutes a night can help a lot — the difference between feeling frazzled and, just maybe, OK.